I’ve created this term to help highlight a situation I sometimes see in my work with clients. The two words seem to conflict with each other, but they can be very compatible. I’ll give an example of when loving assertiveness is NOT happening. I’ve seen well-meaning riders sitting on their horses banging away with their legs and getting little to no response. They just keep doing the same thing. I can tell by looking at them that in their minds they doubt the horse will listen to them. And they’re right. There are a few things going on here and I’ll try and shed some light on it.
If we apply an aid to a horse and get no response, then keep doing the same thing over and over, we’re desensitizing the horse to that aid. This is exactly the process we use to desensitize horses. In this case we’ll be desensitizing them to the leg aid.Plus this is not very pleasant for the horse. It’s a form of harassment and can make horses sour mentally. They may end up disliking riding because it’s all a bit unpleasant. It’s also ineffective and can result in the horse doing less and less until there’s almost nothing happening. Everything becomes a huge effort for the rider and the pleasure in riding can be diminished.
So, what can we do instead? We need to be willing to escalate our aid if we don’t get a response. This can be an increase in the aid or an add on such as an extra squeeze or voice aid. Then the moment the horse responds with even the smallest try, we release all pressure. That’s the physical part, but perhaps the most important part is in our heads. I sometimes feel fifty percent of horse riding is in the body and fifty percent in the mind. If there’s a voice in our head saying ‘she won’t go’ then she won’t. Sometimes I wonder if horses are mind readers, but I think it’s just that they can feel intention. If we are absolutely sure the horse will move forward in our minds, they will. Once we have this clarity of mind, our aids can be reduced, the horse feels what our intention is.
Sometimes riders are not accustomed to asking for something and getting a response. They may have a naturally submissive personality. For them asking a horse in this way can be difficult. That’s where loving assertiveness comes in. This is quite different to aggression; assertiveness is simply stating what you want with clarity. Aggression happens when we insert negative emotional content into what we’re doing. Assertiveness is a life skill, and for some it’s a difficult one to master. Being lovingly assertive means asking with love in your heart. Loving assertiveness with horses is clarity of mind completely without aggression, just pure assertiveness. When intention and emotional state come from a place of love, it feels entirely different to the horse, even if we're doing exactly the same thing.
Being natural herd animals who live within herd structure, horses love having a human who can make clear decisions and communicate with clarity. This type of human is someone they can feel safe around, they don’t need to worry about the lions and tigers anymore, the assertive one does that. This can be a great gift of peace for your horse, enabling them to relax and just get on with life without having to make all the decisions and look out for danger. Being loving and being assertive - both can be happening at the same time.
Suzy Maloney B.Eq.Sc.Dip.Couns.
Happy Horses Bitless
Considerate Horsemanship
Email: suzy@happyhorsesbitless.com
Lismore, NSW, Australia
Ph: 0401 249 263